As long as there is life, there’s going to be someone to question something. What does this taste like? Why is the sky blue? Why does Fox always cancel every show I start to like? Some questions don’t have answers as clear cut as we’d like them to be, but usually it’s the question that defines the direction of the answer. One case, in particular, is not only seemingly pandemic, but also personal.
Now, it’d be foolish to think that there’s enough intelligence in the world to decide when to not bother someone about something that’s clearly obvious about them. Physical impairment is one thing, due it possibly being linked to an event that was outrageous and/or out of control, but when it comes to someone’s stature, it seems to become grounds for mental inactivity. So with that, comes a few things that you’ll come to see (and/or hear) being said to the vertically and mass advanced that should never be.
Unless, of course, you’re hot and using it as a come-on.
First, there's anything about sports. Let’s face it, with certain exceptions, when you see sports involving pain, blood, fractures, and other things in post-hockey championship riots, there are usually bigger, more astounding sentinels whom their lesser-know (and possibly lesser-active) counterparts will be associated with. Therefore, anyone in their wrong mind will come up to someone that fits the descriptions, and either ask, or claim that they were involved in some form of contact sport.
The claim is usually made know with self-serving wit, stating they need to play for one’s favorite team, or another that’s ailing in the current or past seasons. Contrary to beliefs, not all big and tall folk are either able, or even interested in sports of that nature, if sports at all.
So let’s say that the inquisitor is correct, that they did play for something. Pray that our heightened victim is proud to have or had that experience, and will treat every wanna-be interviewer like they were a Barbara Walters exclusive.
Of course, some do it without realizing how jealous they sound of you.
Next is anything involving security. It’s a common fact that no matter what the situation, you feel better knowing that there’s someone larger than you on your side if it comes to being in a place where it could reach zero to stick-and-move in nanoseconds.
This sense of security is commonly felt by those that see one of my fellow big and/or tall crowd members, and will do the same as before, ask if they’ve ever worked for, or considered security.
Only thing is, this come with a subplot bother, where someone will state that if they ever become famous, they want you as their bodyguard. Unless they’re working on a talent that survives off of enough people’s attention that protection is so in need, then it’s a waste of time on both sides of the inquiry. You’re expected to laugh along with their false sense of cleverness, but it only invites more of the same. If it already hasn’t invited the need to do what’s next.
Often, you'll get those called loosely outside their name, by adding size to the mix of it. It’s most common when you’re not the only one that someone knows by your name (i.e., if the Andy in housewares is bigger than Andy in Automotive, he'll be "Big Andy"). Of course it’s helpful to males when they’re being referred to more than just physical size, but that’s more gender specific.
Now some may not mind being known as “Big”-insert name, but some just don’t need the reminder of their size, especially when in most cases, it brings on health issues. Some, gradually fatal.
Still, it’s easier for some to make light of one’s height in an ironic and joking matter, and they wish to call you things like “Little”-whatever, or the more acidic “Tiny.” It never fails to hear someone call us that without a crap-eating smile on their face, as if they’re immediately accepted into the Comedy Hall of Fame.
In case it needs to be told in Layman’s terms, no, it’s not.
But it’s not as bad as the next, which can happen more than once in a conversation. That of course is being repeatedly reminded that you're a "big guy/big girl."
When you’re buying or getting into a car, getting new clothes, or even handwriting some note to a friend, we’re forced to hear someone comment on their expectations of fitting to the situation, while stating that you are, in fact, larger than the average person they’re used to seeing. For example:
“Are you sure you can get in that car? ‘Cause damn, you a big drink of water!” or, “You’re not just gonna eat that, are you? Big guy/girl like you, you should double that!”
Short-range thinking gets people intro trouble, even laughed at. As for the B&G folk, some know our limits, others don’t (and we might laugh at them, too), but like the previous listing, we don’t need the reminder.
What we do need is some respect and assurance that a conversation can go the distance without this, or any of the previous annoyances, no matter how much that “ignorant” part of the brain wants them to do so. But, if I wasn’t writing about it, and others within or (in the most relative way) above my pay grade haven’t complained to and with me about, then it wouldn’t be going on enough to bring it to mass attention.
Of course, we are only on number two. Number one deserves to be there, for the sheer fact of its arrival in bulk, and serves as the flagship remark to all that have been mentioned already.
I, naturally speak of being asked “How tall are you?”
It’s the first thing out most mouths that see us tower over their miniature bodies. They feel so mystified by the very appearance of someone miles above their person, they forget that this is someone that’s probably heard them all, and could go the rest of their lives without hearing them again.Unless they got a dollar for every time.
Let’s say our “human Megazord” actually has the nerve to answer them with their legitimate measurements. One of three things could happen. The first is to justify that mental retardation issue stated before, with them replying with a simple “Wow, you’re tall.” Thanks. We were wondering why we had to duck in most doorways, or why we’re doomed to nothing beyond the teacup rides, as well as why you were dead set on being the millionth customer to ask this, as if asking how much something is in a dollar store doesn’t bring enough substance to your life.
The second thing to expect is, again, after (un)willingly stating the actual height, is for the inquisitor to deny your response. Here’s a conversation I had, verbatim, with one of these idjits:
“Yo man, how tall are you.”
(Rolls eyes) “Six-seven.”
“No the fuck you ain’t, you gotta’ be six-five!”
So if you’re so sure that I’m wrong about my own height, why the hell did you bother me with the question? You’d have to be a complete jerk to even assume that there’s something okay with that type of thinking.
As for the third and final thing? Simply put, any of the other four parts that have been advised NOT to do.
In conclusion, it’s humanity’s need-to-know mentality that often results in questioning their ability to see when not to ask things about a person’s outrageous features. Those that can relate are surely not bothering shorter folk about their height deficiency, and are tired being asked to stand up from their comfortable spot for a height comparison, or to reach for something off the top shelf by people that can do it themselves without the use of a stepladder. To those people, I advise that the next time you step up to a big and tall person, step correct. Your neck might hurt, but pray that your feelings, or anything else, aren’t next if you choose not to follow that route.
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